Clearwater, FL
clearwat
Dear Colonel Clearwater:
I've heard that Bill Gates has spent millions on developing a vaccine against malaria. I've heard some rumors, but was wondering if you know the facts.
Billy G.
Dear Billy,
It exists. The "Microsoft Vaccine" [my words, not Bill's] is in its last trial phase, called "Phase 3." Exactly how good Vacine 1.3 is has not been published. However, Mr. Gates reports that within three years, Vacine 2013 will be "partly effective." A fully effective vaccine, will not exist for 5 to 10 years, according to a recent BBC report.
More people have been killed by mosquitoes than all the bullets in war. Any effectiveness will save lives. Lets hope that the Vista Vaccine is better than the Vista software. I may sound sour here, not nearly sour as some. Look at this pie chart graphic.
Colonel Clearwater
Dear Colonel Clearwater:
Did President Obama move faster with the Haiti earthquake victims than President Bush did with the Katrina hurricane victims?
Bambi Baird
Yes, Bambi, he did. He even moved faster than Mr. Bush did on 9/11. President Obama is smart and his hands are full. Mr. Bush was slow and his head was empty.
Colonel Clearwater
Dear Colonel Clearwater:
I'm worried. What's the biggest problem facing our country? Conservatism, Liberalism, religious extremism or corporatism? (I'm an Obama man, please withhold my name. Our boss has taken revenge against others like me.)
An American Patriot
There is no truth to the rumor that the root word of "patriot" is riot. I saw the survey.
The Founding Fathers were both conservative and liberals, and they made sure in the Constitution that religious extremists would never gain authority of the laws. But corporatism didn't exist back then. It has ruined our economy with phony finance and by shipping our industry overseas. Corporatism's greed is at the core of every U.S. problem from debt, healthcare, prisons and education.
Colonel Clearwater
Dear Colonel Clearwater:
A recent Yahoo survey said the way to balance the national debt and lower the country's deficit is through the elimination of waste. What do you think? Doc Deveruaux
YaaaaaaaHooooooooooo!!!! I saw the survey. That 81% of the people think cutting waste and fraud would be enough to balance the budget and lower the debt is the problem. These things are just a drop in the bucket to the deficit and debt. The public is unbelievablely unknowledgeable. That is the problem.
Colonel Clearwater
Dear Colonel Clearwater:
Back when I got into journalism, the idea that a fistfight in a newsroom would turn into a news story was unthinkable. The guys in the sports department at the New York Daily News, they had so many, you wouldn't even look up. What's your paper's policy on hitting reporters?
Henry Allen
Dear Mr. Allen
I saw where you expressed surprise at coverage of your punching a reporter over at WaPo. It's similar here at the Sun. In fact, we have a sign posted in our news room that says "The beatings will continue until morale improves."
Colonel Clearwater
Dear Colonel Clearwater,
Sincerely,
Johnnie R.
Dear Johnnie;
Henry Kissinger, a Republican, won the Nobel Peach Prize too. And this even though 21,000 American soldiers died AND we invaded Cambodia. All on his watch.
Col. Clearwater
Dear Colonel Clearwater,
Hi. I have Windows Vista and I hate it. It has been glitchy and a pain to use. Now they're coming out with something new to replace that dog. I need you advice. Should I stay with Vista or should I get the new stuff?
Sincerely,
Suzie
Dear Suzie;
You're not the only one who feels that way. Here's what you should do. Get a Mac and forget about Windows. If you can't do that, get ride of windows and reinstall XP. As far as Windows 7 is concerned, the Sun computer consultant, Kelly Wilson, says "Wait six months for Microsoft to get the bugs out." Given their sordid history of shipping products with problems, this sounds like good advice. If you need installation help or repairs give Kelly a call. 727-641-3764. He's a wizard.
Col. Clearwater
Dear Colonel Clearwater,
Hi. I'm a liberal and I have heard Glen Beck speak on monopoly and such.
What he says makes me feel bad, but he seems so confident.
Should I take him seriously?
Sincerely,
Mac Heart of Clearwater
Dear Mac,
An oligarchy is similar to a monopoly except that instead of a one owner monopoly there are two, three or a few.
As to Mr. Beck, ignore his addictions and treatment. Ignore the fact that family members have become sick or committed suicide. Ignore his attention deficit disorder and his racist comments.
We should let Mr. Beck's words stand for themselves:
"O-- L-- I --G --A --R-- H. One letter is missing...The one that's missing is Y. I don't know if we're turning into an oligarchy or what we're turning into. But unless you ask "Why?" we're going to transform into something."
And now you can ignore Mr. Beck.
Colonel Clearwater
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Dear Colonel Clearwater,
I am in trouble with my bank on the mortgage. I was thinking about getting help from a loan modification helping company, but I'm worried about scams. What do you think"
Buck Turgeson
Dear Buck;
The Sun's editor, LD Sledge recently wrote the following. I hope it helps. Good luck to you.
"What is loan modification?
A mortgage lender may modify the mortgage for a homeowner in one or more of the following ways: Interest rate reduction, extension of loan terms, delinquent payment forgiveness, conversion of adjustable rate into fixed rate loans, principal reduction, and forbearance agreements.
Any of these methods can help the stressed homeowner on the brink of foreclosure and bankruptcy. Over ten percent of the homeowners in the United States are in foreclosure because they cannot pay their mortgage note on time. Many are in denial about their situation and refusing to accept their plight, they are paying their monthly note from their retirement or savings.
Everyone is a candidate for loan modification, even if they are not behind on payments. It doesn’t affect one’s credit. Some feel it is demeaning to even consider it, preferring to go into foreclosure, which is a stain on one’s credit forever, and is worse than bankruptcy.
Banks do not want to own or hold property. They will compromise to avoid having a house in their inventory, and will negotiate. The government also pays the companies servicing mortgages for every loan they modify.
There are reputable loan modification experts who will help the beleaguered home owner who know how to negotiate the best deal for the homeowner. They charge a fixed fee, which varies between negotiation companies. Getting the interest reduced substantially, the monthly payments lowered, and delinquent payments forgiven can make a huge difference in a family budget, and a standard of living.
Dealing with the bank or mortgage company can be daunting. The individual homeowner may achieve a fair result, but he or she usually lacks experience needed to effect a significant change. It would pay to investigate these possibilities, and find a reputable company to negotiate the modification."
Colonel Clearwater, C.S.A., Rtd.
Dear Colonel Clearwater:
Thanks for answering my last letter on torture. Any updates since then?
Have the Republicans admitted wrongdoing?
Phil Chestnut
Dear Phil;
No change.
Condoleezza Rice said "[President Bush] was very clear that we would do nothing -- nothing -- that was against the law or against our obligations internationally... He was only willing to authorize policies that were legal in order to protect the country," As Secretary of State, she was among the top Bush advisers who gave a green light to waterboarding. Reminds me of another, similar quote.
"When the president does it, that means it is not illegal," by Richard M. Nixon.
Colonel Clearwater
Dear Colonel Clearwater:
What's the big deal with torturing our 911 enemies in Iraq? Dick Cheney says the information worked and that President Obama should release the secret documents that say torture should work. What's your take on this?
Phil Chestnut
Dear Mr. Chestnut:
The former vice-president should not be airing the contents of any secret federal documents. I believe that's a crime. Secondly, his boss once said,
Dear Colonel Clearwater:
Hey man! Obama is raising taxes on wealthy Americans up to a whopping 39.6%. That has to be socialism. It's looks to me like Rush was right again. As usual. What does your liberal rag of a newspaper have to say?
Please withhold my name. I work for a guy who actually likes your paper and I don't want to get axed. I saw where you did this for a democrat, I hope you have the integrity to do it for a republican.
Name Withheld by Request
Dear Withhold,
Obama isn't raising taxes on the rich. He's rolling the rate back in the direction it used to be.
End of Ronald Reagan's first term: 50%.
Under the administration of Richard Nixon: 70%.
In the administration of Dwight Eisenhower: 91%
"I hope he fails!" is the mantra of your party.
In the Clinton years it was "Get Clinton." No nominations approved, just tons of money spent to prosecute the man for an investment in which he lost some $80,000. There was a time when presidential sex lives were not part of the public press. Then a girl was egged into not sending her dress to the cleaners. This was not about the good of the country. It was about achieving a political agenda and the public good be damned. And that's where we are again. It's time to instill confidence, not to undermine it. Instead it will be four more years of astro-turfing, Faux News and rallying behind a moron to reinstate another era of greed, torture and war.
Colonel Clearwater
Dear Colonel Clearwater:
Republicans are touting Rush Limbaugh as the philosophical and intellectual lynch pin of their party; a paragon of political analysis; and an all around good egg. What is your opinion?
Carlos Techador
Dear Señor Techador:
Thank you for your kind inquiry. I think Mr. Limbaugh is a raving lunatic who has helped trash the party of Abraham Lincoln. He is partly responsible for my leaving the party and joining the Bull Moose Party (which, alas, has expired in recent years, making me an independent.) I also think he is a great source of amusement. For example, this recent diatribe: "Jake Tapper is the one guy that's outside of the butt boy bubble in the White House press room." Colonel Clearwater
Dear Colonel Clearwater:
What do you think of this?
There is a bill right now being introduced to the Florida Senate that would require all dogs and cats to be neutered by the age of four months. This would eliminate all the responsible hobby breeders, such as myself, from Florida, as we would not be able to pay the hundreds of dollars yearly required to keep intact animals. I would no longer breed Silkys. When you would be ready for your next dog, you would have to go out of state. And Florida's success in passage would embolden the Animal Rightists -- these are the guys who feel that you and your dog have EQUAL rights -- and they would work all the harder harder to get similar bills passed in every state. So then where would you get your next dog?
Now is the time to stand up and say -- no. California tried to pass such a bill requiring mandatory spay/neuter last year and it did not pass because there was a groundswell of outrage against it. I urge you, if you value your rights as a dog owner to contact your State Representative and State Senator and say no -- and tell them why.
I have attached excellent sample letters from the AKC to help you. They do need to be personalized, however! You can find your State Representative and State Senator by going on www.myforida.com.
So please, if you value your rights as a dog owner, let Tallahassee know loud and clear how you feel. Not only I thank you, but your next dog will thank you too.
Best, Sandy Mesmer
www.sandymesmer.com
www.bergstromgallery.com
Dear Sandy,
Thank you for your letter. I find Mr. Randolph's bill somewhat baffling. The proposed law penalizes pet owners across the board, whether they are responsible in regard to breeding or not. It also comes down heavily on mutts. I like mutts. They often come from the deep end of the gene pool. Here are forms to write both senators and representatives. Form Letter for Senator
Form Letter For Representative
Colonel Clearwater
Dear Colonel Clearwater:
If you're a Clearwater newspaper how come I can't find your paper anywhere? And how come your mail goes to Safety Harbor. What are you? Some kind of "out-of-town" newspaper?
C.P.
Dear Mr.CP:
For the print edition, send $25 to my agent, Moons of Pluto publishing company for a subscription (address above). It includes a free ad, link, obituary, etc. My agent has a Safety Harbor address because it's closer to his Clearwater home. The Sun is a Clearwater paper.
Colonel Clearwater
Dear Colonel Clearwater:
I see where a journalist, an Iraqi cameraman, threw his shoes at President Bush. This seems pretty outrageous to me. Isn't this a crime in Iraq? I mean, isn't the guy toast?
Do you guys at the Sun ever do anything rash?
Melvin Shatz
Dear Mr. Shatz:
Ohhhhh! That is a tough question. The US has promised freedom of speech for Iraq following the fall of Saddam, according to the Iraq press. Throwing shoes at someone is the worst insult an Arab can hurl. The TV station the guy worked for is arguing for his release on those grounds. He is being interrogated, so it is possible he is being tortured. The Human Rights Watch has reported that Iraq justice is failing in the fall of Saddam with pretrial torture, no speedy trial and no provision for an effective defense attorney. Of course on the other hand, if he had thrown his shoes at Saddam, death by pecking of crows would likely have been administered summarily.
We never do anything rash here at the Sun. But reporters used to be rash. In fact, back in the eighties the paper had a motto "We're Making News." We parody that with our extra editions ("We're Making Gnus" and "We Print All the Gnus That Fit.")
Currently, we do not prosecute presidential insulters in the USA. In our culture, however, throwing shoes at someone would be an assault (and battery if the shoes had hit the target).
You know how Barack Obama says that we only have one president at a time? Well Representative Barney Frank said that Barack Obama "...overstates the number of presidents we have."
By the way, our president was recently shoed in effigy in Iran."
Colonel Clearwater
Dear Colonel Clearwater:
I see where people accuse you of being a "liberal rag." I live out of town and haven't seen enough of your paper issues to form an opinion. I can say that your newspaper does seem like a cross between Boy's Life and The Onion.
Ron Saper
Dear Mr. Saper:
Thank you for your polite letter. Others are often more like Jerry Springer Show participants. I enclose a back issue for your enjoyment.
Colonel Clearwater
The artist, who can be seen approaching, makes her living from the sale of photographs. The important thing to realize is that when someone photographs their work (photos, art, whatever) it hurts their business and deprives them of income from their images.
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Clearwater, FL
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