clearwatersun@yahoo.com

Dear Colonel Clearwater:

I see where people accuse you of being a "liberal rag."  I live out of town and haven't seen enough of your paper issues to form an opinion.  I can say that your newspaper does seem like a cross between Boy's Life and The Onion. 

                                                                                                                     Ron Saper

Dear Mr. Saper:

Thank you for your polite letter.  Others are often more like Jerry Springer Show participants.  I enclose a back issue for your enjoyment. 

                                                                                                                  Colonel Clearwater

Dear Colonel Clearwater:

I heard Sarah Palin say she would be a safer vice-president on a hunting trip than Dick Cheney.  But the vice-president seems to have disappeared.  What's up with that?                                                                                                                                       Obama Mamma

Dear Ms. Mamma:

Mr. Cheney has not been active in the campaign for Mr. McCain because his appearance would actually damage the Republican's chances.  He did surface briefly from an undisclosed location to endorce the GOP candidate.                                                                                                                                                                                 Colonel Clearwater

Dear Colonel Clearwater,

I heard people at a Republican rally shouting out pretty nasty race comments about Obama.  and I heard people calling out to kill Obama.  And the advertising from the Republicans just trashes Obama.   What do you think?

                                                                                                          Withhold My Name

Dear Withhold:

I was pleased to see Senator McCain admonish his followers and running mate the day after being taken to task by a Harvard political professor on the Daily Show for allowing death and racial comments at rallies.  As to the tarbrush ads, I think Senator McCain said it best:

      "I just have to rely on the good judgment of the voters not to buy into these negative attack ads. Sooner or later, people are going to figure out if all you run is negative attack ads you don't have much of a vision for the future or you're not ready to articulate it."

     Of course he said that in the year 2000.  Voters should remember it now.  

                                                                                                                  Colonel Clearwater 

Dear Colonel Clearwater:

Governor Palin says that Barack Obama palled around with domestic terrorists. Is this true?  Does it mean that Obama is toast?

                                                                                                                Paulina Plume

Dear Ms. Plume:

     The governor is not truthful; she is swiftboating.  The same accusation was used in the primary and it has been debunked.  There is a Distinguished Professor of Education from the University of Illinois at Chicago, Bill Ayers, who once served on a charity board with Senator Obama.

      Mayor Richard Daley criticized this tactic when it was used during the primary:   

      "There are a lot of reasons that Americans are angry about Washington politics. And one more example is the way Senator Obama’s opponents are playing guilt-by-association, tarring him because he happens to know Bill Ayers.
     I also know Bill Ayers. He worked with me in shaping our now nationally-renowned school reform program. He is a nationally-recognized distinguished professor of education at the University of Illinois/Chicago and a valued member of the Chicago community.
     I don’t condone what he did 40 years ago but I remember that period well. It was a difficult time, but those days are long over. I believe we have too many challenges in Chicago and our country to keep re-fighting 40 year old battles."

     The activity the mayor doesn't condone is Mr. Ayers association with an anti-Vietnam War group called the Weather Underground. Senator Obama is not and has never been a member of the Weather Underground.  He was eight years old when the group formed.  He was still a child when the war ended and the group fell apart. He hasn't condoned the group either.  

     The important thing to note is that if this is the best the Republicians can come up with, Senator Obama must be really, really clean. 

                                                                                                               Colonel Clearwater

Dear Colonel Clearwater:

I'm pretty confused about the Republican Vice-Presidential nomination.  Fox News says that she's a good choice because her state is real close to Russia, so she's got good foreign relations experience.  Can I trust Fox News?

Bambi Turgeson

Dear Bambi:

No.  I checked with Yulia Ruane, who does our chess puzzles.  She worked in Siberia (the part of Russia closest to Alaska) for years.  From her own experience north of the Artic Circle, she knows that communication there is often impeded due to polar bears.   

It's not about experience.  It's about judgment.  The office of president is a meat grinder known for aging the occupant of the oval office.  Senator McCain should have selected someone who would be a strong leader in the event of his death in office.   I have to agree with Ms. Faye Palin's (the mother-in-law) analysis: "I'm not sure what she brings to the ticket other than she's a woman and a conservative."                        

                                                         Colonel Clearwater

Governor Sara Palin

Photo by:Christopher Grammer

Dear Colonel Clearwater,

I read your earlier letter about the Times (the local guys, not the London guys) not mentioning you in their report about the old Clearwater Sun Building being torn down.  You said it wasn't important and that you haven't treated them kindly.  But  there must be a better reason.  Got any ideas?  And what the hell does oligopic mean anyway.                                                                                                                     Adrian Techador

Dear Adrian,

        First, the St. Pete Times is not a local paper; it's an out-of-town paper.  Small local newspapers have taken a real bite out of the revenues of the older papers.  It is a major cause of declining revenue for them.  They will do nothing that might cause the little guys to flourish {like mentioning us).  We are Clearwater's smallest and oldest newspaper.  We report on news the other guys miss.  We are heavily into art, humor and politics (which is more humor, really.)

      Oligopic newspapers are almost monopolies and act like monopolies.  In a monopoly, there is no competition.  In an oligopy, there is very little competition.  

                                                                                                                                                                                           Colonel Clearwater

Dear Colonel Clearwater,

I had the most embarrassing experience of my life last night.  I was in Milano's Pizza on North Ft. Harrison.  I had to use the bathroom and left my wife at the table to go wash my hands, etc.  I walked into the bathroom and looked for the urinal.  I didn't see it and as my eyes swept the room I saw a Kotex machine.  I was in the lady's bathroom!  I quickly ran out in a panic, but there were two middle-aged ladies just outside who were startled to see me come out.  I stammered something incoherent and ducked quickly into the men's room.  A few seconds later (after I heard them giggling their way in to their bathroom) I beat it back to the table, grabbed my wife by the hand and left without ordering.  My wife is mad about it, but she'll get over it.  The point is that it really bothers me and I don't know what to do if it happens again.  You helped my grandpa back in 1928.  Can you help me now?

                Sincerely,           

   Red Faced        

on Turner Street

Dear Red Faced;

If you ever go into a lady's bathroom by mistake again don't panic.  Immediately take off one shoe.  Then leave the bathroom.  If you see anyone outside, just wave the shoe at them and announce, "I killed it!"

Colonel Clearwater

Dear Colonel Clearwater:                                                               

I just read about the demolition of the Old Clearwater Sun building. 

The Times didn't mention you at all.  Are you upset?

Sincerely,

Paulina Plume

Dear Professor Plume:

Thanks for the email.

What an out-of-town oligopic newspaper does

(or does not do) is unimportant.  Besides, we

haven't been kind to our former owner's paper.    

                                                                                                                      
Colonel Clearwater 
 

The artist, who can be seen approaching, makes her living from the sale of photographs.  The important thing to realize is that when someone photographs their work (photos, art, whatever) it hurts their business and deprives them of income from their images.  

Valuable links for election information: 

Political truth-o-meter
Wives who hold back sex

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